denouement

final year, senior year.

Almost a week left before the official start of this semester, and I could already feel the changes I will soon face. Guess this would be the huge plot twist among all the years I’ve spent in college.

Slowly learning how to let go of my inhibitions and insecurities to be able to fully function myself as president, and a graduating student. Two more semesters and I will begin another journey, but before that, I should ready myself to finish this chapter.

A chapter that had left me breathless, resilient, and courageous amidst circumstances.

Brace thyself to another wave of trials that will push me to my limits; relying a few people who can succor to my urges of exploration and escapades.

 

Sydney.

My first out-of-the-country travel will always be unforgettable. 

Vibrant colors, warm people, cold weather surrounded me for a few days, and how I wish I could take those back in my home country.

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Beautiful creatures in their habitat made me feel ecstatic and I can’t help myself not to capture their still moments of tranquility.

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Diverse cultures, traditions, and arts were exposed to us and here are some of the most intriguing ones I took for my own perusal.

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Sydney is beyond beautiful and I am looking forward to come back and explore the other cities in Australia or yet immerse myself again to another country. 

Cigarette.

I came to realize how alike am I to a cigarette;

A stick of cigarette, or a pack for heavy smokers, provides relief to a person. Every inhale of nicotine, every exhale of oxygen feels like a breath of fresh air.

Every intake makes the life span of the cigarette shorter; the same way people do. Every love, smile, hug – happiness being sucked away makes a person weaker.

A stick of cigarette, or a pack for heavy smokers, is usually taken either by habit or when something’s up – a problem or any of the sort.                                                           Every puff of smoke feels like the answer.

As time passes by, I feel dangerous, even toxic, to the people who hold me close.       Even when they don’t consume me, my mere presence in their life affects them; or is it the other way around?

The way a stick burns when lit, is the way I burn for others;

The way a stick taste like, is the way I taste to others;

The way a stick ruins someone’s life, is the way I ruin others;

Am I to blame for being a fragile soul capable of destroying someone else, when in fact, I am useless – unless you use me?

When you lit me, I burnt until you left me in the cold.

When you tasted me, I lingered until you forgot what happened.

When you ruined me, I waited until you never came back. 

I came to realize how alike am I to a cigarette; a used one, almost gone, almost.

2:23

It has been quite a while before I finally had the courage to write here again.

2017’s first month is nearly done, and yet I’m still beginning to contemplate once more.

Another semester is here, and honestly, I feel scared and happy at the same time.

Scared for another set of hurdles, challenges, and misfortunes that are inevitable to happen and yet happy for another set of memories, learning, and blessings that will, in no doubt, come .

Despite all the tears, breakdowns, tantrums, and similar downfalls that have happened to me last year, I still managed to finish the maze; with my head held high, surrounded by lovely people, and going headfirst, anew to another journey. Ain’t life basically that way?

Who would have thought that my 18-year old self will be the me “now”?

Even I think twice about it.

Changed, changing, will change.

Three words that best describes  who I have become. I may be someone ordinary, mediocre to the eye of others, but I still believe on my potentials; my strengths, weaknesses, dreams, and goals. They will amount to something.

Random thoughts may have filled this space, and I may have wasted your time for this. But these are just mere thoughts from a sad soul trying to prove herself that she is worth something; against life’s judgments and predicaments.

Open relationship.

I am an indecisive person. Maybe because I haven’t figured out still what I want and what would make me happy.

Before, I have this feeling of settling down. I thought I’m ready for the commitment. It made me happy but it became toxic for the both of us. That’s why I broke it off.

But now, we both just realized that we love each other so much that we really can’t let go.

I have the person I love.
I have the person who loves me.
I have the person who craves for me.

These three people makes me occupied now. They make me feel loved.
They make me feel special and appreciated. They make me happy and confused in the same time.

Whatever happens with this situation, whoever I’ll choose, it would be final and I’ll make sure it is what I want and it will make me happy.

Break.

Can’t help but miss the way things were;
Me being kept, being held back
Being embraced by you.

Can’t wrap my head with the thoughts;
Holding your hand, kissing your lips
Spending time together.

Can’t hope things will go back;
Heart is broken, trust is gone
Now I am not the one.

Can’t waste another moment;
Indefinite, indecisive
Go with the flow.

The one that got away;
you for me, and I for you.

Broken Generation

Millennials. Generation Y. New Generation.

While scrolling through my dashboard, I immediately stopped when I saw this one picture. The picture is saying that “Some people can’t be fixed” but something else caught my attention. It was the comment posted by one of the bloggers, “We’re the broken generation.”

I began contemplating on this. Are we really broken? What is the extent of the word broken?

A lot of the millennials nowadays have anxiety and depression.

A lot of the millennials experience abuse with their families or partners.

A lot of the millennials get bullied because they do not meet the standards of beauty set within the society.

A lot of the millennials lack self-love and self-confidence because of slut-shaming and insecurities.

 

We are getting broken because of our incapability in handling various situations.

It saddens me how familiar I am with this; how I, as a millennial, could attest the feeling of being broken.

But, for me, what matters is we adapt, survive, and keep on living.

We may be broken, but we continue fighting, day by day.

We are taking actions despite the pain and troubles we have.

 

We are stronger, smarter, and better than we think we are.